Why you suck at Dating Apps and it’s (mostly) not your fault.
For the sake of simplicity we are going to focus on one of the most popular if not most popular dating apps – Tinder. After this you will realise why you have not had many if any dates and when you do it feels like you got lucky.
Here is a fact before we even get started.
There are 75% men to 25% women on Tinder.
There are three times as many of you as there are women. But it’s actually worse than that because when you swipe right men are mostly swiping right on the same women. Men swipe right 35% on women’s profiles.
35% is the average as some men swipe right on everyone and yes there are some choosy people (though this is certainly not the norm) but for the sake of simplicity men are swiping right on what they indivually percieve as the top 35% of women.
Now this 35% can have some variance as everyones taste is different but is it really that different? The higher you go on that 35% the less variance there is. Largely speaking if I think someone is amazing chances are you will at least think she is good enough to also swipe right on and so do pretty much all other men. Meaning that the most desirable women are being chased by pretty much 100% of men.
So if there are 100 men on the platform and 25 women. But of those 25 women only 10 are seriously desired then the ratio of men to very desirable women is not 3 to 1 it’s 10 to 1.
This is pretty bad news, dating works from value. People desire things of value and as we all know the rarer something is the more value it has. Well when there are 10 times as many of you, you don’t have a lot of value.
You are in the sea of blue triangles looking up at the lesser amount of pink triangles all calling at them – why should they reach down? What is so special about you? For many of you it might feel that girls never swipe right and yes for some they really might not if they are farming instagram followers but most do.
Girls do swipe right on tinder – in fact they do 4 in 100 times. Doesn’t sound great for you does it?
But then again with so many people on why not play the averages sooner or later you have to get a match right?
Well…
Hard pill to swallow time.
Chances are for the girls swiping right –
They are not even looking at you.
Although women are swiping right on 4% of men, it is largely the same 4%, again and again. They are not even considering you. As far as they are concerned you might as well not exist.
However, if you do get some matches here and there well then congrats you might even be in the top 80 – 95% of men, meaning that girls outside of the top 35% might give you a chance here or there or maybe even the girls in the top 35% just happened to think you were her taste.
But a match is far from a date – and when things go to the messaging zone you are still competiting with men who on the platform are simply and objectively speaking better than you.
So if you don’t do the perfect message and even if you do, she is just going to choose one of the other top contenders because she can and… can you really blame her?
You don’t have a model’s cheekbones? Ok, how about eyes as deep as the ocean? Surely you have an eight pack? A large following on instagram? Sure but you have a bugatti? Ok let’s say you have one or even two of these ask yourself, if you could have all of them why would you swipe right on someone who doesn’t?
To conclude, sorry boys but dating apps are basically impossible for you to succeed with unless you are in the top 4% of men. And if you are in the top 4% then you are basically playing videogames with cheat codes – hopefully that is only a pun.
How to know if you are in the top 4%? Are you getting hundreds/thousands of matches – yes? Well congrats!
No..
Then sorry to say but you are in the sea of blue with the rest of us and things are not about to suddenly get better.
But come now, what about using the perfect photos, optimal lighting, angles, expressions, and the best tinder strats? Maybe this will allow you to become the top 4%?
Unforuntately, unless you really were a diamond in the rough which is highly unlikely you can only do so much with what you are working with.
Dating apps are all about the perceived value. And the percieved value comes from your photos, your social media presence and usually to a lesser extent your bio.
You have one minute or even just a few seconds to make someone believe you are in the top 4%, if you are not able to do so then you are not going to have a good time.
There is a myth that everything good in life is difficult. The reality is for the top 4% on dating apps it is very very easy.
So, if it doesn’t feel easy maybe’ it’s time to stop torturing yourself and stop think about changing strategies and not just online stragegies but playing a different game altogether.